- October 15, 2014 -
So I don’t knows how I got this big. And I don’t knows how I got stuck up Big Ben (that’s the clock not our local postie – who is coincidentally big and called Ben). But here is a movie style poster of a recent incident involving me in Westminster. And yes, it is the season of the magical mushroom. And yes, everything is full of slightly mutated colours. And yes, I am drinking a pint which could fill a swimming pool. Aces.
- March 5, 2014 -
People says I ain’t technological. Wot with me giant paws and last century Nokia phone that I got free with a packet of cornflakes.
Well, people can be wrong. I recently acquired meself an iPad which some fool had left on a table in a shop. Argos of all places.
And much more than that. I got one of me Polska boys to design me an App. And its an App which I think all of you’s out there can benefit from.
The Backtrack App. Tells you what you gonna do before you goes and does it.
Let me explain.
Take a typical Friday night. The type of night that can go either way. Devil or deep blue sea. Lover or hater.
So at the start of night I enters me variables into me App. Pints of Stella:8. Wraps of Speed:1. Is that annoying tosser, Darren, in the pub.? Yes he is. Darren:1.
Then I press a button and see the outcome. Ten minutes past midnight. There’s me with a baseball bat kicking Darren’s fuggin door down.
Result. Good night.
But what if I wants to push it a bit further. Pints of Stella:12. Wraps of speed:2. Darren:1. And press the button.
OK. There’s me being thrown into the back of a rozzer van. Didn’t kill Darren apparently. Kicked the wrong fuggin door in.
And there you have it. Use me Backtrack App at the start of the evening and I can choose between giving Darren the good old pasting he deserves or pushing it too far and spending the night in clinky.
So what am I gonna do this Friday?
Gonna leave me App at home and start off with 15 pints of Stella. Coz I is a rabbit of mystery.