After me Dragons Dead pitch, I really got the bug for developing new TV show ideas. ‘Formats’ as we calls them in the trade.

Ain’t that hard. Just have a scroll through the Sky Digital menu and you’ll see a lot of fuck stupid  ‘formats’. And these are the ones that have got themselves made!

So I’ve got me an idea for a new reality TV gameshow. A bit of urban gritty survivalism. Calling it ‘Urban Catchy Junky’.

Like most great reality TV titles, it sounds a bit sensationalist. But actually it’s just a mighty clever play on words to get the Daily Mail voting public talking.  They’ll think its about narcotic nasties when really it’s about fast food.

The ‘format’ is based on a scenario I knows only too well.

It’s chucking out time at the local boozer. You spent all yer readies on lagers. Not a penny left. And now you’re fuckin’ starving. So starving that you would kill for a kebab, a ruby, a crispy fired duck, a deep fried pepperoni double plus!!!

In fact, you would kill for any takeaway you could lay yer hands on! And that, my friends, is what the Educated Erics of the TV world call the dramatic ‘axis’ of me show.

Two teams of life’s losers are recruited from the audience of the Jeremy Kyle show. They are fed a large quantity of strong lager down the pub by the Tarquins from the TV production company.

Enter our celebrity team leaders – Bear Grylls for the Blues, Ray Mears for the Reds. Their mission is to lead their team of pissed up no hopers into the local housing estate to beg, steal, borrow or mug any fast food that crosses their path.

The winner is the team that catch themselves the best meal. As judged by Gordon Pansy Ramsay. Late night hunter gatherer TV.

Team Red track, chase and rob Pizza Inferno’s delivery boy of his payload. A large Chicken Supreme and a 2L Coke. Yummy scrummy!  Team blue bum rush Del E Tandoori and relieve the gaff of a couple of Vindaloos and 20 Poppadoms. Hot shit! Then both teams descend on the Pagoda Palace and a right old Ting Tong Ding Dong breaks out.

Meanwhile, back in the studio, Ant and Dec laugh how Bear Grylls has just been kicked in the prawn crackers. “Its all going a bit Dim Sum” they jest. Gordon agrees.

Urban Catchy Junky. Must see TV you surely agree.