Here is my dream business idea. The ‘You’re a Bad Boy Bunny Food Sex-line’.

I dial an 0800 number. Selina sits in a darkened call centre. She wears only a satin negligee.  She answers the phone seductively. “What menu would you like tonight, sir?”

I know the answer before she asks the question.

“Harvester, please. Read from the ‘Grills, Sauces and Sides’ menu. Slowly. And randomly.”

And so she does….

“Original ½ Spitroast Chicken  £7.49

12oz rump steak  £13.99

Full Rack of Classic BBQ Ribs  £11.49

Rings and Wings  £2.99

Sticky Jack Daniel’s Combo  £12.99

Herb Infused Lamb……..”

On the other end of the line I am infused. My arteries harden like kryptonite. Then she ‘doubles me up’ with an additional “Back Bacon and Guacamole 8oz Scottish Beef Burger”.

My pepper is stuffed. With extra sauce. Sour Cream and Chive.