I’m pitching an idea to Dragons Den that occurred to me on the last morning of Rabbit Food Awareness Week.

MacDominos. A Deep Fried Pizza Franchise.

“And where did you get the inspiration for that idea?” asks the Simon Jones tosser, a little bit too sarcastically for his own future health and safety.

“I tell you where I got ‘that’ idea, you mug.” I say fronting him out. “I ate four of Rod Rat’s special ‘hash’ browns last Friday during Rabbit Food Awareness Week and 5 hours later I was still as high as I kite.

Then I got a massive attack of the munchies.

So I floated down to me local chippie and, you know what, not even several battered burgers and battered sausages could fill the hole. What I really needed was a deep fried pizza. A big and battered Pepperoni Plus.

Short of nipping up to Scotland for the night, this was not an option. So I realised there was this big old gap in the market.

And that is why I am proposing my idea for a new fast food franchise. MacDominos.  Scottish innovation engineered by Eastend entrepreneurism. That’ll be my jingle. Like it?”

My pitch is done. The Duncan Bannatyne prick has turned bright red and gives me the eye. The fucker thinks he’s left the back streets of Jockland well behind him.

“And why on earth do you think there’s a market for deep fried pizzas in this day and age, my friend?” He sneers.

“Extra strong skunk.” I reply without missing a beat. “The two go hand in hand. You people wanna give it try?”

I pull out a pre-prepared Walthamstow Wanger and walk towards Kelly Hoppen. She obviously ain’t seen one that big before and screams for security.

Oh dear.

You see there’s my kinda security and there’s yer poncey middle classed TV kinda security. A big bunny mismatch.

Bish. Bash. Bosh.

So now I’m pitching an idea for a new TV ‘franchise’. Its called ‘Dragons Dead’.