Burgers most certainly ain’t wot they used to be. It pains me to say it but burgers, unlike most things these days, are much much better than wot they used to be. And I should know. I’d didn’t get to the weight I am today without knowing a good burger when I sees one.

For example there’s The Devastator Burger at the Red Dog Saloon.  Three 6oz beef patties, 200g pulled pork, 6 rashers applewood smoked bacon and 6 slices American cheese. 3000 whole calories! Wowzer. A big fat motherloader at £22.75.

And it even comes with its own challenge!! Eat it in 10 minutes with fries and a shake and you go up on their wall of fame. I tried. I failed. I was carrying an injury. Groin strain. I will be back and I will do it.

Then there’s the Troll’s Stinky Breath Burger at the Troll’s Pantry in Brighton. A fine burger coated in Troll Stink Sauce (anchovies, blue cheese, Sussex beer, garlic). Oh yus.!! Always find meself sleeping on the sofa now after a day trip down the South coast. Selina do not like the Stink Sauce.

And someone told me about the Phat Bastard Challenge at Surfers Paradise somewhere in Oz. 900g of wagyu beef, six slices of cheese, 200g of pork, eight rashers of bacon and eight onion rings on a homemade bun topped with special sauce, coleslaw, tomato and lettuce.  Yes, onion rings on top. Genius. This fat Bastard wants that Phat Bastard.

So I’m compiling Bastard Bunny’s Book of Bastard Burgers. Let me know of any big fat Bastards you may come across. And watch this space. Coz its gonna get some big big meaty fillings.